THE EARLY BIRD STEALS THE ELECTION

Our Early Bird President is on the job, and the official election hasn't even officially begun. He learned from the last election, that you have got to get your foreign friends busy well before the suckers vote. Selling voters nonesense takes time. 

If the Ukraine wants our bucks then why shouldn't they help reelect the guy who signs the check? Not every country can give it away gratis the way Russia does.

No wonder that our Greatest Cheater is worshipped by our Church faithful. He will, with a clear conscience and straight face, cheat, lie, extort, and defame anyone and everyone to win reelection. 

What greater honor is there than to serve oneself while lying about serving the country you profess to love? 
Who wouldn't bend the rules if losing meant jail time?

No need now to be concerned about the law. AG Barr, a distinguished member of our flock, has Our Cheater-in-Chief's back. And despite what people say about "equal justice," Our Dear Boy cannot be touched.

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EXCLUSIVE! SECRET WH WEATHER COMMUNIQUE

SECRET WH COMMUNIQUE LEAKED TO CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY
As per this secret White House communique, my old neighborhood of East New York, Brooklyn, was in the direct path of Hurricane Dorian. This communique was leaked to the Church of Sycophantology by a WH informant who came across it in the President's private toilet. Admittedly, this throws the document into some question. What was it doing in his toilet? Is it authentic or was the President using it for other reasons, like bathroom reading or to dry a puddle? Perhaps the truth will never be known but thankfully the hurricane skirted ENY, making the map inconsequential.

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BOLTON IS OUT!


"OBEDIENCE IS TRUST." OFFICIAL CHURCH DOCTRINE

"Bolton is out, proving blind loyalty to a narcissist never works"

In the strongest terms, The Church of Sycophantology objects to the false morality that informs this headline in today's Washington Post.

If Mr. Bolton was blindly loyal as stated by The Post, he would have obeyed our Church's sacred dictum: OBEDIENCE IS TRUST.

Again and again and again, time has proven to the world that Our Greatest President is always right, about everything. Obviously (except for Mr. Bolton), it is the job of Our President's aides to implement his brilliant policies, not to disagree with them. 

Loyalty is not offering alternative ideas or policies. That is disloyalty, and even worse, it is wasting our Leader's precious time. Our Leader doesn't need Bolton's half-baked escapades and wars. He has other, more important, issues to deal with.

It is The Church's position that true loyalty is providing Our Loving Leader with additional income by booking rooms and parties at his incredible, lush hotels, and by helping him find more time to jaunt and sport on one his many great golf courses.

And one need not say, OBEY.

HURRICANE DORIAN FALSIFIERS BECOME NEWEST CHURCH SAINTS

TRUMP HURRICANE FALSIFIERS ARE INDUCTED INTO CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY HALL OF SAINTS

The Church of Sycophantology welcomes its newest Trump Administration acolytes to its Flock of Saints. They have shown themselves devout followers of one the Church's most sacred Commandments, "Deceive Through Trust." In one brave gesture, these blessed ones have undermined the nation's trust in our Government's system of weather forecasting, and in science. 
"Suck up, Go Up." 
WPost, 9/8/19: NOAA staff warned in Sept. 1 directive against contradicting Trump 
"Acting NOAA administrator Neil Jacobs was involved in drawing up the statement (that the hurricane would hit Alabama) as was the NOAA director of public affairs, Julie Kay Roberts, who has experience in emergency management and worked on the president’s campaign.

The leadership of the Commerce Department, headed by Secretary Wilbur Ross, also approved the release, though Ross was out of the country at the time (playing golf, perhaps, at our Leader's glorious Golf Course?).



ALBANIA NOT ALABAMA

HE REALLY MEANT ALBANIA
Out of an excess of concern, our President lost track of facts. What he really meant was that Albania was threatened by Hurricane Dorian. Unfortunately, his staff gave him the map of southern US not southern Europe. The black magic marker line should have extended east across the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea.
Fortunately, our President made sure aid and assistance was sent to Albania where it is badly needed.

CHEAPSKATE ATTORNEY GENERAL

THE CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY ASKS: #4
What favors can the Attorney General expect with a measly $30,000 gala at our Lord DJT's glamorous hotel? We applaud the AG's thrift but the Saudi princes and the NRA have already set the hotel bar at six digits. So Mr. AG, add a zero or find another Special Prosecutor Report to twist like a pretzel if you want to score with DJT or join this Church's big leagues. Sainthood don't come cheap.