SECRET WH COMMUNIQUE LEAKED TO CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY
As per this secret White House communique, my old neighborhood of East New York, Brooklyn, was in the direct path of Hurricane Dorian. This communique was leaked to the Church of Sycophantology by a WH informant who came across it in the President's private toilet. Admittedly, this throws the document into some question. What was it doing in his toilet? Is it authentic or was the President using it for other reasons, like bathroom reading or to dry a puddle? Perhaps the truth will never be known but thankfully the hurricane skirted ENY, making the map inconsequential.
OUR GREATEST WEATHER FORECASTER IS IN THE WHITE HOUSE
THE CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY APPLAUDS OUR GREATEST WEATHER FORECASTER
"Eventually it will rain in Alabama," is a scientifically accurate weather prediction that our Sunny Day President realized when he warned Americans of the hurricane Dorian's possible impact on Alabama.
Our Suntanned President understands the interconnectedness of weather systems. Rain today, next week or even next year is intricately connected to past and future storms and hurricanes. It's one large, complicated weather system.
No other President has studied earthly weather with the ferocity of our Weatherman in Chief. Every day, before golfing, he scans the horizon, searching for the sun or approaching clouds. Ever see him holding an umbrella? Beforehand, he knows when it will rain, and stays indoors to watch his favorite shows on TV.
Praise Our Good Weather President. He turned Hurricane Dorian northeast, and made it into a drizzle.
HURRICANE DORIAN FALSIFIERS BECOME NEWEST CHURCH SAINTS
TRUMP HURRICANE FALSIFIERS ARE INDUCTED INTO CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY HALL OF SAINTS
The Church of Sycophantology welcomes its newest Trump Administration acolytes to its Flock of Saints. They have shown themselves devout followers of one the Church's most sacred Commandments, "Deceive Through Trust." In one brave gesture, these blessed ones have undermined the nation's trust in our Government's system of weather forecasting, and in science.
"Suck up, Go Up."
WPost, 9/8/19: NOAA staff warned in Sept. 1 directive against contradicting Trump
"Acting NOAA administrator Neil Jacobs was involved in drawing up the statement (that the hurricane would hit Alabama) as was the NOAA director of public affairs, Julie Kay Roberts, who has experience in emergency management and worked on the president’s campaign.
The leadership of the Commerce Department, headed by Secretary Wilbur Ross, also approved the release, though Ross was out of the country at the time (playing golf, perhaps, at our Leader's glorious Golf Course?).
ALBANIA NOT ALABAMA
HE REALLY MEANT ALBANIA
Out of an excess of concern, our President lost track of facts. What he really meant was that Albania was threatened by Hurricane Dorian. Unfortunately, his staff gave him the map of southern US not southern Europe. The black magic marker line should have extended east across the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea.
Fortunately, our President made sure aid and assistance was sent to Albania where it is badly needed.