OUR GREATEST WEATHER FORECASTER IS IN THE WHITE HOUSE

THE CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY APPLAUDS OUR GREATEST WEATHER FORECASTER

"Eventually it will rain in Alabama," is a scientifically accurate weather prediction that our Sunny Day President realized when he warned Americans of the hurricane Dorian's possible impact on Alabama. 

Our Suntanned President understands the interconnectedness of weather systems. Rain today, next week or even next year is intricately connected to past and future storms and hurricanes. It's one large, complicated weather system.

No other President has studied earthly weather with the ferocity of our Weatherman in Chief. Every day, before golfing, he scans the horizon, searching for the sun or approaching clouds. Ever see him holding an umbrella? Beforehand, he knows when it will rain, and stays indoors to watch his favorite shows on TV. 

Praise Our Good Weather President. He turned Hurricane Dorian northeast, and made it into a drizzle.

RESEARCH INDICATES INNATE BASIS FOR SYCOPHANTIC TENDENCIES

 An affinity of humankind for sycophantic behaviors has, according to Social Science researchers, been identified as innate, commencing at birth. The researchers, however, could find no evidence of fetal sycophantic behavior though they did not rule it out. "We are looking at the Evangelical Movement to fund future research," researchers state. 
According to the anonymous research published in The Journal for Sycophantology, babies are born with the innate ability to ingratiate themselves to their mother or the person who feeds them. Eye contact or googling creates a loving bond which encourages feeding and adoring attention. Displeasure, in the form of loud boisterous crying, serves as a contrast to the ingratiating behavioral characteristics and, as a consequence, gives the sycophantic behavior an added power.

Sycophantic behavior continues over a lifetime as the mother is replaced by other powerful figures: father, teacher, police, political + religious leaders. ”Dependency and power relationships are built into society so sycophantology is inevitable,” the researchers conclude.

The study was commissioned by the Institute for the Study of Sycophantology, Pharmaceutical Division. It was conducted over a period of ten years. One child was followed from birth to old age. The results were then, using sophisticated algorithms, generalized to the entire population. 

Anti-sycophantic drugs tests are currently being conducted. The drugs are meant to encourage infant independence, beginning at birth. Infants would be able to feed, bath, walk and talk and even "order for delivery" at birth.  A drug for fetal independence is not far in the future. Both are based upon the theory that maturity can be sped-up by the activation of the appropriate gene(s). 

SWEET + LOW.