THANK YOU, OUR BENEFICENT OLIGARCHS

Spoiled, ingrates! Americans don't appreciate the good work our wealthy oligarchs do for them and our entire nation. Where would our museums, hospitals and soup kitchens be without their generosity and the tax code? They even spend millions of dollars every year helping us elect the finest politicians our country has to offer. That’s a public service.
It took our Savior Donald to realize our oligarchs’ incredible contributions. That is why He gave them a tax cut last year. About time! Americans don’t realize what tax haven savvy lawyers charge on an hourly basis. Our Savior knows. And our Savior knows what our wealthy oligarchs must pay to create LLC legal entities so they can freely spend their tax free money (a Right that was mistakenly excluded from the Bill of Rights), money that makes all of us, even the poorest individual, richer. 
The Church of Sycophantology adores our generous oligarchs, and sings their praises with joy, reverence and full-throated thankfulness. 

WE SING PRAISES TO OUR OLIGARCHIC MASTER

KISS UP, KICK DOWN. SUCK UP, GO UP.

RESEARCH INDICATES INNATE BASIS FOR SYCOPHANTIC TENDENCIES

 An affinity of humankind for sycophantic behaviors has, according to Social Science researchers, been identified as innate, commencing at birth. The researchers, however, could find no evidence of fetal sycophantic behavior though they did not rule it out. "We are looking at the Evangelical Movement to fund future research," researchers state. 
According to the anonymous research published in The Journal for Sycophantology, babies are born with the innate ability to ingratiate themselves to their mother or the person who feeds them. Eye contact or googling creates a loving bond which encourages feeding and adoring attention. Displeasure, in the form of loud boisterous crying, serves as a contrast to the ingratiating behavioral characteristics and, as a consequence, gives the sycophantic behavior an added power.

Sycophantic behavior continues over a lifetime as the mother is replaced by other powerful figures: father, teacher, police, political + religious leaders. ”Dependency and power relationships are built into society so sycophantology is inevitable,” the researchers conclude.

The study was commissioned by the Institute for the Study of Sycophantology, Pharmaceutical Division. It was conducted over a period of ten years. One child was followed from birth to old age. The results were then, using sophisticated algorithms, generalized to the entire population. 

Anti-sycophantic drugs tests are currently being conducted. The drugs are meant to encourage infant independence, beginning at birth. Infants would be able to feed, bath, walk and talk and even "order for delivery" at birth.  A drug for fetal independence is not far in the future. Both are based upon the theory that maturity can be sped-up by the activation of the appropriate gene(s). 

SWEET + LOW.