CHURCH POPULARITY SOARS!

The popularity of The Church of Sycophantology is soaring among Republican supporters of Our Heroic President. 
Church officials report ad hoc church meetings in the back stairways of Congress, and prayer vigils in the bushes outside the White House. 

A special evening of Cabinet members, organized by the church, was held at a glamorous Trump resort. Outside of the the prying eyes of the press, Cabinet members recited Church prayers, sang Church hymns, and chatted with influential criminal defense attorneys. 

"Of critical importance is the need to perpetuate the Church's values in government. Government without sycophantology is unthinkable. Now more than ever, we must maintain the pretension of honesty and integrity while protecting, in whatever way and at whatever cost, Our Sycophantic President-in-Chief. The law be damned!" stated our Distinguished AG Barr. 

At the end of the dinner party, the church passed around the collection box. Some attendees, accustomed to dealing in cash, dropped wades of laundered bills into the box while others wrote promissory notes for government grants. 

What a great spiritual renewal for the Grand Old Republican Party .

SYCOPHANTIC EDEN IS NOW!

Recent press reports of dissent within the Church of Sycophantology are greatly exaggerated. Yes, there is a small group of heretics who are making some noise. Contrary to Church dogma and the beneviolent wisdom of the Church elders, these rebels think that it is time to flush  
Our Greatest President down the age-old drain. 

LET IT BE KNOWN that The Church hierarchy emphatically rejects this false doctrine. We are living in a Sycophantic Eden, so let’s get behind our Sycophantic Savior and not eat the forbidden fruit of false news.

These infidels reason that DJT’s overinflated ego is expanding minute-by-minute with the result that he is becoming a sloppy, pathetic loser unworthy of sheparding our spiritual flock. Instead of greatness and audacity, Our Shining Light has become a broken vinyl record who boasts he can muscle the Democrats, Congress and the Rule of Law aside without any serious repercussions. Our Mob Boss President, they argue, is banking on these guys being easy pushovers.

Also, at the crux of their beliefs is the idea that Our Brilliant Leader is endangering their wellspring. Our church teachings emphasize grabbing whatever you can, when you can. However, if one grabs too much, the whole enterprise may collapse. DJT’s reckless behavior, they argue, may cause the church innocent to suffer unjustly.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Sycophants of the world unite to save our Golden Haired Angel. In his duplicity, we have plundered and pillaged our great nations. In his mendacity, he has diluted the word “truth” with the ardor of a saint. Thanks to our Saintly President his faithful followers embrace every lie he lovingly utters. Words don’t matter. Facts don’t matter. Deeds don’t matter.

Our Leader Preys on you, Pray for him. 

Bless Our Leader's faithful friends in Russia. They stand by his side, and look forward to our next free election.

THANK YOU, OUR BENEFICENT OLIGARCHS

Spoiled, ingrates! Americans don't appreciate the good work our wealthy oligarchs do for them and our entire nation. Where would our museums, hospitals and soup kitchens be without their generosity and the tax code? They even spend millions of dollars every year helping us elect the finest politicians our country has to offer. That’s a public service.
It took our Savior Donald to realize our oligarchs’ incredible contributions. That is why He gave them a tax cut last year. About time! Americans don’t realize what tax haven savvy lawyers charge on an hourly basis. Our Savior knows. And our Savior knows what our wealthy oligarchs must pay to create LLC legal entities so they can freely spend their tax free money (a Right that was mistakenly excluded from the Bill of Rights), money that makes all of us, even the poorest individual, richer. 
The Church of Sycophantology adores our generous oligarchs, and sings their praises with joy, reverence and full-throated thankfulness. 

WE SING PRAISES TO OUR OLIGARCHIC MASTER

KISS UP, KICK DOWN. SUCK UP, GO UP.

ALL THREE BRANCHES: THE CHURCH OF SYCOPHANTOLOGY

The Truth of The Church of Sycophantology Doctrine has finally been recognized by all three branches of the American Government. Yes, even the Supreme Court. "The deal made by Church member Justice Kennedy and Our Savior Donald J. Trump to have his acolyte nominated in exchange for his retirement is well within Church Doctrine," according to a spokesma for the Church's Office of Truth and Doctrine. The Church takes special pride in our President's sycophantic faith, and we sing Praises to his self-righteous Republican ass kissing admirers. Church Saints are being born everyday within our hollowed halls of government.

ONE-EYED JACKS TRUMP.

Suck up Go up!

NOW! All The Branches, Published by The Church of Sycophantology, 2018.